I guess there is no better or more ironically appropriate way to begin this first post other than to say, my name is C____ and I'm an addict and an alcoholic.
Obviously some of you knew who I am before you clicked on this , but I think it's important to maintain some sort of anonymity, especially on the internet. On that note, anything I talk about on here that is a proper noun will be written similarly, not to be unnecessarily cryptic or weird, but because it seems like the best thing to do. I'm really excited about starting this blog, and I want to share with the anonymous universe why I did it and how I'm going to do it.
As of 4 days ago, I started my recovery and my journey into sobriety. It seems as if the more excited I get about the progress I'm making and the new experiences I'm having, the more I feel the need to talk about it to the people around me and share how I'm doing or feeling. The problem with this is I can feel people getting mildly bored with me - not out of any sort of malice, but simply because hearing one person talk about one thing for any length of time can be extremely taxing. I'm acknowledging this, and wanted to find a way to keep my excitement about what I'm doing in my life alive without having to talk about it constantly. Believe me, nobody knows how horribly annoying it is to listen to someone in recovery talk about recovery 24-7 more than I do (I spent a month in rehab and another year in and out of AA). So, I figure that this is a way I can get things off my chest and keep my friends and loved ones updated on how I'm doing without forcing them to listen to it - this way, if you want to know, all you have to do is click, and if you don't want to know, you won't be forced to hear about it.
Someone at NA told me yesterday that a good way to get through the withdrawals is to keep a journal about my progress daily, so I can be encouraged by it later. My plan is to update this once a day, to provide myself with a bit of a running record that I can look back on later and feel proud of. Hopefully school and my band and my laziness won't get in the way of doing it, but I'm going to try to make it a priority, not only so I have an outlet but so that I can feel support from others. Please feel free to comment on this blog in whatever way you choose - emailing me or commenting underneath. The only thing I ask is that you don't use my name or anyone elses...initials should work. But yeah, I think it would be really cool if I had some sort of interactive way to talk to people about this that wasn't in real time - admittedly, sobriety is my life right now. But it doesn't have to be everyone elses..
Any way, I hope you guys think this is a good idea, cause I do. I'm not really sure who I'm talking to when I say "you guys" other than myself, but we'll see where this goes. Today is day 4 of being clean. I feel like shit and the withdrawals are awful. It also doesn't help that I tried to go to a meeting today - an AA meeting even though I'm going to be working the program through NA (narcotics anonymous). At this point I'm feeling pretty much done with AA. Every time I try and go to a meeting, there are either only 2 or 3 people there, half of whom are using alcohol or something else (visibly), or everyone is depressed as fuck and over the age of 65. They're also condescending and assume I have no experience with AA and that my problem isn't that severe ("It doesn't matter how much you used, I know I was at the point where I was homeless and jobless and blahblahblah, but you don't have to have used that much, assuming you didn't..."), and also take it on themselves to give advice at every opportunity. I know their hearts are in the right place, but the truth is I just don't relate to AA people anymore. I probably shouldn't make such a gross generalization and I'm sure there are good meetings out there, but where are they?! At this point I'd rather not go to a meeting than go to a meeting that's going to discourage me.
Well, that's it for today, to avoid the risk of this being a super long post. Going to my Aunt and Uncle's house today, both of whom are recovered alcoholics, to watch the Notre Dame game. Should be a good day. Thanks for letting me share.
- C
